Savi

She took the kohl and smudged it deeply under her eyes. A little more, maybe. Her eyes were her best feature. With her curly hair, they made her seem forlorn, some heartbroken sphinx that no one could decipher.

Did she want to be deciphered? Maybe not. But she was lonely. Her last relationship was years ago. This being alone was consuming her confidence every day. They said it was a great city for singletons, but she was too afraid to get out and mingle.

Not today.

Today, she had decided to go for a mixer. She had enough of hanging around software nerds. Maybe she would meet a painter, a writer or even a chef, because those were the people she admired; passionate and reckless. She was nothing like that. She could code, but then so could so many people.
The mixer started off in a cosy resto bar, with people introducing themselves. They had very interesting professions. A nutrionist, a paediatric urologist, a co founder of an organic produce start up, an animation artist, a zumba instructor, and even a pranic healer.

But there was only one who caught her eye. He was short, balding and wore a tie. He was the vice president of a banking portal. There was nothing alluring about him, except the comfort with which he carried himself. He was unapologetic about how he looked, how he spoke or how he picked up the kababs straight off the tray and popped them whole into his mouth.
He caught her staring at him and walked towards her. Something about him was ugly and disturbing. Maybe his perfume, strong, lemony and mixed with sweat. She gasped for air.
She was used to dating ugly guys. They were rarely the alpha males in public, but in bed they took complete charge. She had never wanted a vain, good looking man. He would cheat on her and leave her, just like...

She brushed away the thoughts and started chatting with him. He complimented her mirrored skirt and her hair. She wasn’t exactly thin or beautiful. But what attracted men to her was her aloofness. They wanted to come save the lonely girl sitting in the corner.
He spoke about his last relationship. His ex had cheated on him and it had taken him a long time to work on himself and start trusting people again.

The thoughts came back. The dark skinned man in her mother's bed. His naked chest glistening with the summer sweat. This was all so confusing. Did her father cheat on her mother or the other way around? She couldn’t recall.
All she knew was she would never cheat. It was the last straw in a relationship. If you cheat when you're committed to someone, you're the worst shit in the world.

But what about thoughts? Do thoughts count? She brushed them aside again.

“How do you know if you are ready to trust again?” she asked.
He fiddled with his thumb.
“You can’t ever, know for sure. If you know what I mean.”

So he still had trust issues. Guess he would take time to heal.
They exchanged numbers, and even chose a place to meet in the week after.

Then she saw him. Did she know him? He was tall, big built, with deep set eyes and a scanty beard. Something about him made her angry.

She was done anyway. She picked up her bag and left. He followed her. She picked up pace. He caught up. She rummaged through her bag and took out her deo. He held her hand tightly.

“Stop it, Savi”

She heard the voice. It sounded familiar. She looked at him and remembered who he was.

“You didn’t even apologise for what you did. You never bothered to see the mess you left me in”

He had loved her. Yes. This man with the big hands and eyes. How she loathed his eyes.

Then she remembered the dark skinned man. His naked chest, soft and warm in the cold December night. The one who made her do what she always wanted.

After all, she was just like her father.