Thursday, January 19, 2006


'Trust' is a heavy word. It's also like that last card on the heap. If you can't get that right, you're nothing getting anything right. I'm sad to announce the departure of my dear friend - trust. Call me cynical, scared or a sissy, but sooner or later everyone reaches this stage where they just can't trust anyone. I had a friend who was like that, scared of talking, revealing, making moves, most importantly letting go of the past. Because sometimes the past becomes your identity. Without it's colorful, interesting mask, you're nothing but the burnt man from the house of wax. And I used to tell him, 'How can you be scared? If you never try, you'll never know. If you clench your fists, you'll let nothing enter."
I've become like him now and understand why he had lost that trust. It happens without warning, one fine day you wake up and like an ugly zit on your face or a lost tooth, it changes everything. So you hide some more, till you think you're looking better again. And with that hiding, goes your self worth and courage.
But it comes back. Trust does. At least I hope it does. I just have to wait for it to come back from the grave. Till then, I'm counting the flowers I didn't offer.


Laura:) said...

Wow! I know how you feel. I used to trust everyone. I liked the fact that I was willing to trust. Now I am so paranoid because my heart (not just from love but friendship) has been trampled on so many times.

Ashmi said...

oh!dear,that was awesome too...yes, i agree with once lost is hard to gain infact coils into his shell afraid to strike back at life with the same vigour and faith...i often go through it too and belive me i hate myself then...nontheless there's one being i've never lost faith in and that's *god*...he's been with me like a shadow and like a miracle seen me through the toughest of days,when i was alone,all by myself :-)