Tell Me No More of Enchanted Days

Each day I let go, Just a little bit more Of a certain sweet Cinnamon vanilla reality.  I learn to understand that Hope is not the same as want.  Want is the summit of a hill,  Where you have to reach To know what you've achieved.  My hope is watching the stars,  From a river in the valley. I don't want anything at all.  But it doesn't mean  I've lost any of my infinite hope.  You can climb all the  Mountains you like Just to add them to a list.  But when it's done,  Where will you go?  Back to the city where The flashing lights hit  Your bewildered eyes Like a train crashing  Into the walls you call home?  I have no where to go Except the middle  Of this wound down road.  I'll pitch my tent And pull out my chair,  I'll sit here till  I find my shelter Under the sozzled sky,  With my eyes wide open,  I'll wait to meet my God As he climbs down the mountain And embraces me in his warmth Under his blanket of glittery black And carries me to the summit,  Whe

( From 'Journey to Ixtlan, The Lessons of Don Juan by Carlos Castaneda) 

  I always wanted A house by the sea,  But I hadn't thought About the bad humidity.  All that sand in your feet,  That always finds its way To your bed, no matter How much you tread.  I wasn't prepared for the heat,  All that sticky, sorry sweat,  That gets in your hair,  And makes your thighs  Rub together,  Like chocolate eclairs.  Oh, the sound of the waves Is like heaven to my ears,  But I miss the sound of the birds That would never settle here.  I miss my cool rainy air,  And the roads that I know.  Golden sands and blue skies Are picture perfect for island holidays,  But they could never be my home.  I love to eat fresh fish and shrimp,  And drink beer in the afternoon.  But I would not trade  My cloudy morning walks For a lazy hammock siesta,  Where you got nothing to do.  I always wanted A house by the sea.  But that isn't me,  Anymore, just as it isn't  Right, to want to try So hard to be someone  You're not or  Someone you can't  Really see yourself b

I received a compliment from a younger man, which made me think about how I view myself. He told me I was a very attractive woman and asked how I fended men off since I must be getting propositioned a lot.  Now, firstly I'm not very good at taking compliments. I shrugged it off saying, I'm a mother of two and no men approach me because they find me intimidating. I did not find any of this offensive or crossing any boundaries, because this person who I don't know very well is good at reading people and I immediately assumed he was talking about my inner light or maybe even my intellect. Then I asked myself, why did I so easily assume that?  I have never considered myself beautiful or even attractive. I have had my dad's dusky complexion and his heavy eyelids. My legs were never shapely or long, my breasts were never full. At one point, I was so thin that people assumed I was starving myself. And apart from my eyes which are my treasure, I've never been fond of any pa

  Aleena the sorceress, Threw her locks behind And touched her chest. She was so lonely, Something was missing Where her blood Was supposed to pulsate. One day, she dreamt  Of him; kissing her forehead, As she woke up smiling. She waited for years, Hoping he would turn up At her door, but he didn't. She decided she would Make him, with her magic And every tender wish  On her curious mind. On a new moon's eve, She sat deep in prayer. For his eyes,  She took the river's Gentle sounds, Delicate mud, That melts to the touch. For his mouth, She picked out a fruit, Moist and ripe, And pomegranate seeds For his teeth. When he would smile, He would kiss her With his eyes. For his nose, She decided on  A plough; nostrils Flaring like fertile land.  With each hot breath, She would feel  Her skin overturned, As he dug into her, Like showers of rain On a long, summer's day, For his hair, She spun black wool, With silvery specks of white.  On cold, dreary nights, That's where sh

I think  I must fall In love again.  In order to see With new eyes.  I promise I will kiss no one I swear  I will always Keep my clothes on.  I will never call Or text a stranger To rendezvous Them behind a door. I will not lie,  I will not cheat,  I will not ever Follow a lover, Or beg on my knees.  But I have to be true To myself first.  I must fall In love again.  But if not you, Then who?  And if not me,  Then how will We ever learn Who was really Meant to be?  I must fall In love  All over again, And again.  Till I learn,  How I truly Deserve to be treated With kindness And grace And truth.  With only truth.  I must fall In love Again With  Truth.  Because It's the only thing That will stay With me.  When all my love Has faded  Into white.  Only truth Will stay.  Blank invisible Words On an empty Slate. 

  So, I've been on a break from my blog for a while. The plan was never to come back to it, but the reasons were all wrong.  I stopped writing because I was afraid and fed up. Afraid of being judged for what I write, as if everything I write is nothing but the complete truth. For the thoughts I think, the stories I make up, the visions I receive, for being nothing but me unapologetically, I was afraid.  I was told I was offending people with my brutal honesty, I was told, you write how you feel, don't you? No, I don't all the time. Because if I did do that, there would be no one left in my life. Be thankful that I don't write all of the truth here. Why are people so scared of the truth? In any case, my life is mine, my words are mine, so if hearing them makes you uncomfortable, then fuck off.  The second part was the unidentified people lurking away in my space, wanting to know my every thought and emotion. The ones who never comment, come here slyly with your VPNS and