Tell Me No More of Enchanted Days

  Anjuna beach, Goa Humdrum of high tide Hardly hear my heart Heavy hands here they pull Lovers, lovers, them mighty lovers I remember them from long ago,  Dragging their feet, singing a song.  Sea sees your barren nostalgia.  Memories worthless without a price.  I don't like the sea, he says,  Endless voids scare me,  Take me to a hill anyday.  She says, embrace the void,  It's your only friend.  He realises how different they are Then he pulls her closer away.  But these two, I see how he gives And she just takes and takes.  Poor little daddy's girl,  Always saying, look at me,  Take my photo, give me gifts.  Lovers, lovers, them weak willed lovers Offering their futility to the sea.  The sea watches and laughs,  As they compare their wounds,  Someday it will devour All of their frivolity and freedom.  The girl says, be strong for me Because I will give you a trophy Of importance and assurance.  But he's tired of giving everything away.  He needs a strong woman,  One

 

  I used to wear black,  Now it's mostly white.  Self soothing is pretty easy, So is being calm and clinical.  I didn't become this person overnight,  I chose to let go, to heal, to love  Myself in spite of not being seen.  This is who I always wanted to be.  I used to have a favourite spot,  One where I could seek the moon.  Because of course I knew that time  Walks barefoot without a sound.  It will take cherished ones away,  And hide them underground.  But I found a new spot,  One where I can just be,  Visited by herons and barbets,  Filling my days with mellow serenity.  Even the nights, they are empty Of thoughts and questions.  I've finally learnt to love silence,  It speaks in hushed tones, never loud,  It tells me to live in the moment,  To never worry or doubt.  I don't ask the why's, when's and how's,  Faith is my only evidence,  I know it will not let me down.  So much has changed in a year,  But one thing remains,  That I can still yearn  For wha

When I meditate, I try to cut out all my thoughts. She is one thought though, no matter how much I fight to evict, lingers on, like the smell of smoke in a closed room. My mind was the room, albeit one without any windows.  I used to close my eyes only to see her face. Sometimes, she would ask me how I was doing, am I okay? At night, she would touch my cheek, come close to hold me at the waist, play with my hair or fingers. When I would tell her I'm tired, it's late, she would sigh and say, good night, I love you.  But I could hear her tossing and turning during hours in the night, sometimes in sequences of odd numbers, 1-3-5. Other nights in halves, 2.30-4.30-5.30. Last night, she was up at 1.40, then 3.20, then 5.10. There was always a bloody pattern. And of course, she made sure I woke up too. Sometimes, she would complain. "You are ignoring me, you are beginning to forget me". Sometimes, she was so taken over by desire that she wanted me, no matter how many times

  So much has changed  Since then, those days Now turned into years.  I'm much more practical now.  You were never hiding from me.  In fact, you always stood stoic,  Unmoved, untethered, unworded.  I was the one who believed in magic,  In love everlasting, in hope, in chasms Of ocean blue between you and me,  That would blaze into a fire,  With one embrace, one kiss,  One look, melting the doors Between blackness and bliss.  One day, I would float up to you,  You would embrace me in your light,  Then tell how you've always missed my eyes.  I don't think I was foolish back then,  I just knew how to glorify love better.  To look at something and yearn for it,  Consume my pride, to desire it, to crave it.  But now I look at you, I am not fixated.  I think I have changed, don't you?  If all I get is one day in a month,  Where you truly understand me,  Reach out, explore, shine on  My sad, heartbroken, dying earth,  Then I don't want you anymore.  You can continue to mys