Tell Me No More of Enchanted Days

Breaking illusions is easy, A snap of the heart is all it takes.

I have often cribbed about my lifestyle; not having time to do the things I want to, working so hard that my eyes pop out by the end of the day, putting on weight because I have no time to exercise since I'm superwoman - cooking, working, cleaning, partying, paying bills, buying insurance..blah blah blah Last weekend I went through another one of my low phases, another mid life breakdown. Sister had to be called in an emergency because I was breaking down and howling away like a baby. I have no life, I have no love, I have no future doing what I want to do, I've changed and I hate myself....basically the crappy depressive shit that makes one only feel worse. I felt fatigued and tired all the time. The low phase was handled by lots of alcohol, shoved under the rug again... Then I went home to meet my parents. And for once, I felt truly ashamed of myself. My mom was jumping around like a little kid, chattering away and showing us photos of her in some fashion show, and displaying

I watched 'Revolutionary Road' last night and it brought back so many memories. Good ones, bad ones, ones I don't share with anyone, not even myself anymore. I could see R and I, having the same fights, fights over individuality, fights over change, fights over wanting to be different, and lead a life 'less than normal'. Maybe we didn't exactly pack our bags and decide to go to Paris. If Kate and Leo had in the movie, I know exactly how that story would have ended. Kate would have supported Leo's 'hopeless emptines', working day after day, cooking, cleaning, trying to redefine herself for love, while Leo would have realised that he didn't want a marriage after all. Maybe the artists of Paris would have been his new haven. Yes, I know exactly how that story ends. Funny part is, I had a long discussion about this with my sister post the movie. I used to believe then that love was unconditional, free and forever. I still believe the 'forever'