Tell Me No More of Enchanted Days

Image copyright: Maggie Taylor 'Fading Away' I don't know if this is mid life crisis. All I know is I'm questioning everything that I am so far, my job, my emotional and spiritual being, my concepts of love, my home and homelessness, my roots and rootlessness. A good way to start would be I'm lost. I'm also feeling utterly nihilistic. I want to break down everything I've created so far and start from nothing. Everything I've achieved so far seems futile, every emotion I've felt wasted, every dream I've dreamt ridiculous. It's time to dream new dreams. I can't be the monk who sold his Ferrari because I don't have one. I have a house, right now only a house, not a home. It's my shelter from the world, where I hide and pretend that I'm safe from myself. I haven't felt this way in the last 8 or 9 years. This recklessness, this impatience, this wanting to break free. It could mean losing everything I've achieved so far. Bu

1. Learnt how to love again. 2. Realised that everyone has masks, just that some of us are better at pulling them off. 3. Felt the joy of meeting old friends and how we never change, how much ever we think we have. 4. Noticed that I always have a dog for company when I cry. So, I'm never really ever alone. 5. Went back to writing on paper napkins - the kindest way to unknot. 6. Felt the piercing pain in the heart. I thought I was cured of it years ago. 7. Realised that the more you want, the lesser you get. Sometimes it's better to shut up than shut out. 8. Slept with my arms wide open. 9. Admitted foolishly that I would always have Dylan to go back to, if not anyone else. 10. Looked into eyes that made me understand why eyes are truly the windows to the soul, irrespective of what our words may be. 11. Understood that we are all afraid, that fear always clouds our judgement and brings forth anger and hatred. 12. Learnt that a single moment can stretch to an eternity. 13. Decide