Where is the Love?

It's funny how you can be two completely different people in a matter of years. I was opening up my past to a close friend and ended up muttering, "Memories exist because they make you remember who you were." I do remember who I was, but am shocked and surprised each time I think about it. How did I end up changing so much? When exactly did it happen?

Sometimes the transition is gradual and happens without your realising it. In other cases, one fine day, you just wake up and find yourself changed. Like the man who invented his own language, and one day discovered he had forgotten how to communicate with other people. Now, that was a story I read in a school text book. Amazing how after 23 years, I actually understand what it meant.

I regret some things that I have lost in myself. The ability to trust people, impulsiveness, warmth, a certain don't care attitude. I appreciate what I've gained: practicality, judgement, independence and strength. There's still some apprehension though. I would like to get my lost qualities back. But the more I try, the more futile my attempt seems. I asked a man who I remember had gone through a similar phase. "When will I change again?" He said, "When you find someone who you can trust completely, all your walls will come crumbling down".

I haven't found that person yet. But I have a strange intuitive feeling he's coming closer. I have been sensing it for a long time now. I dreamt of him in Colorado. I don't know he looks, but the day I bump into him, I'll know.

My Mr Right, wherever you are, come soon. Like the Egyptian pyramids, this wall too has that secret rock that will bring everything down. And only you'll know where to find it.