The Privileged Ones

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I was watching the latest episode of 'This is Us' where Rebecca decides to go against her father's wishes and tell Jack that she loves him, even though he has no financial stability and is clueless about what he wants in life. For those who've been following the series, it does become one of the greatest love stories we have seen lately on television. There was some Joni Mitchell thrown in, some talking about finding love and how lucky are those who have known it, and of course, I cried buckets.

Then, probably triggered by all this talk of love, I had a dream, so vivid, that I traveled back in time. I could feel the breath of the person who once loved me the most in the world.

I don't think most people who know me now, know what a romantic fool I am. Just because I'm a strict mother who doesn't get mushy easily, my kids probably think I'm the most hard hearted person there is.

It got me thinking of my past and my present and feel grateful about being lucky not once, but many times in my life.

Falling in love comes easily to me, it's one of my many special talents. I want to remember the bad stuff but that never happens. So I had a talk with my dormant self, and asked her, surely you have to remember how it all went wrong, do you remember the pain, the thoughts of dying, the self loathing?

And she said, no, I don't. I chided her, tried to pull it out, but nothing came.

I remember not having money to eat one full meal in a day because we were broke, we survived on love and dreams. I remember being loved so fully, each time in my life that my heart felt it would explode from being to the brim. I also remember at times loving people who didn't love me back. But I never hated them, I still don't.

Falling in love is a privilege, each time. Because it never goes to waste. It always leads to a better version of yourself. So I'm lucky to have loved, I'm lucky to have been loved.

And if the world thinks I'm a fool, so be it. I will remember the good, I will erase the bad. I will be the day, I will be the night. I will be complete in love.

You are the sun, 
I'm the moon, 
You are the words, 
I'm the tune, 
Play me... 



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