Before I Go
I have been pretty disturbed lately. News of deaths and more deaths. Eagerly awaiting relatives or a close friend's family member to recover. As an empath, these things affect me a lot. Which is why I tend to escape into my own bubble where I feel safe.
As an empath, it is also in my nature to reach out and help others, try to take away some of their pain. But the boundaries lately have been blurring a lot.
The problem with the times we live in, is the lack of communication. Never before in the history of humanity, have humans been so cut off from each other in such times of grief.
People who are going through these tragedies personally are numb and detached. They have seen their loved ones suffer and die alone, so it almost feels like a sin for them to ask for help. Everyone's struggling alone, and this is not going to serve us well in the long term.
One such story that a friend shared with me affected me to such an extent that for two days, I kept to myself, asking questions that, well, there are no answers for.
But one question came out of all this mulling, quite strongly. What if, our time is running out, and we are not aware of it? If we were aware of it, what would we regret the most, if we did not do it in this time?
For me, the answer was pretty straightforward. What if you cared about people, and you died, without these people ever knowing you cared about them?
I have people from my past, and my present, who have no idea how I feel about them. Some are estranged friends, some old lovers, some never happened, but what I felt/feel for them has not and will not change. Unfortunately or fortunately, time does not allow us to go back and choose.
Some people come into our lives for a reason. Even if it caused us pain, it was to make us better people, updated versions of ourselves.
I am a firm believer in soul contracts. Everyone we meet who changes us, was predestined to meet us. The rest of the trajectory is pure free will. But the meeting, never a coincidence.
So coming back to dying without telling someone thank you or sorry or I love you, that is certainly no way to die. I think, that is something I would like, not to do. No regrets in living, no regrets in dying.
Dying is such a heavy topic, and personally it makes me uncomfortable too. Fifteen years ago, I bought The Tibetan Book of the Dead, but never got down to reading it. I was young and my life stretched out in front of me. Now, I think it's time to approach it with a more open mind.
And if the whole purpose of dying is to be one with God, then what better way to do it alive than by loving? Our God is moulded in our humanly form after all, God looks human, why is that? Just like ants would have an ant god, or dogs a dog god. Our best traits and our worse traits are all human. Here is our heaven and here is our hell.
I hope I survive, I hope I make a difference in someone's life. And I hope I'm able to convey it to those who have made a difference in mine.
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Tryin' to make his way home?
Like a holy rolling stone
Back up to heaven all alone
Just tryin' to make his way home
Nobody callin' on the phone
'Cept for the Pope maybe in Rome
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