StarBoy

After the very dark and violent 'Squid Game', I moved to a very light and romantic Italian series called 'An Astrological Guide to Broken Hearts'. As the name suggests, it's about a single woman wading her way through men of different zodiac signs, guided by her bisexual astrologer friend.

It's based on a book, but the plot to us seems very familiar. The three and a half torture marathon that was 'What's your Rashee?', which was in turn based on 'Mister Yogi' on Doordarshan, where he decides to find a bride after seeing women from all the zodiac signs.

Now there are some people who will never watch this kind of stuff. The world is solemnly divided into those who are into astrology and those who aren't. I for one, like most women, fall into the first category. 

Men, for a purely scientific reason don't believe in it. Just like a full moon could hit them smack in the face and they couldn't see it. Or not knowing ever what gift to buy a woman. It's unnecessary and makes no sense. How can you divide the human race into 12 categories, they ask. You can't really. But subcategories, why not?

How else do you explain why we end up liking some people instantly, and never being on the same page with others? Okay friendships aside, love compatibility based on star signs has always been a thing among women. Remember Linda Goodman?

Most women will end up asking the big question sooner or later. 'What's your star sign?'. And the man will cringe and wonder if she's going to do some black magic on him. No, dude! For that, we need your birth chart. Just kidding!

I'm a Saggi Capri cusp and for almost all my life I thought I was a Capricorn. But nope, nothing about me was quite like regular Capricorns. Those tight assed, money minded, deadline snorting duds that I just don't relate to. 

Till I realised I was a cusp, so an anaomly. My ascendant is Sagittarius so that explains why I get bored of places soon or feel emotionally threatened if someone invades my space or gets too clingy. My moon sign is Virgo. That explains the OCD induced nightmare I am and the snarky criticisms I bestow on others or the packing my suitcase one month in advance.

In matters of love, I've waded through the rainbow of star signs and made my judgements too. 

No Aries. Avoid them like the plague. They can and will destroy you if they choose. Taureans are cool, but how much food and TV bingeing can one do? These guys are super lazy and can do literally nothing for days. Cancer men, extremely emotional and sweet, but the buggers will sulk for days without telling you what you did, and sulk some more if the joke you cracked offended them.

Saggitarius, charming and fun, but will run away the minute it gets to defining anything. Libras, super hot, but super dumb, totally lacking depth. Leos, kind and generous, but everything's all about them, and they are pretty insecure, even if they convince you otherwise. Gemini, the coolest sign. No stress, no intensity. If you are crying, they will just look at you, not knowing what to do next, and suggest something totally unrelated.

If there's one sign that I've always fallen for like a tissue in a garbage can, it's Scorpio. Simmering, intense and broody, just how men should be. They are honestly the worst type if you fall for them first, because they don't think they are deserving of any love at all. So they clam up and will never open up till doomsday.

But now after being married to one for ten years, I can say I've cracked these sensitive little stingers out finally. The trick to keeping a Scorpio is to be honest with them, but not completely honest. They like playing detective trying to figure out mysteries, so let them be happy with thinking that you are hiding your true self from them.

Back to the series, most Indians will relate to this stuff. Because that's what Indians do best. Make life decisions based on the time they were born.

 Need a name, check the time. Need to marry, check the time twice. Bad luck? Sade satti. Cursed by an unknown power? Kal sarp yog. Both of which I have tried remedies for in the past.

 Because my ancestors might have killed a snake, I went to the Beas river and threw 100 iron snakes in the water asking for forgiveness. The spooky part? At the 100th one,  a water snake appeared near the banks, watched me for two minutes and left. And therein my stroke of bad luck ended.

Do the stars govern our destiny or do we? Does everything that happen to us happen because it was meant to or is it because we chose it to? If we chose it and it didn't happen, was it supposed to not happen? Are we then puppets on a string as Mr Spear suggested?

Who cares? I don't believe things can be so clear cut or black and white. Life is nothing but a random series of coincidences. Now back to reading that horoscope.