Loop de Loop

 

"Have you ever thought about dying?"

"But everyone has to die no?"

"No, I mean..."

"You mean killing myself?"

"Yes."

"I have thought about it many times, but not like seriously. Just once."

"And then?"

"And then I realised how stupid it was. To have your whole life in front of you and want to give it up for a failure."

"But there are people..."

"I don't judge them. I can't even imagine how it must feel. Depression is no joke. It's a dark place that has no windows and no exits. Maybe that seems like the only way out"

"Maybe sometimes death seems better than living. Living is suffering, it's so pointless."

"I agree with you. Living is pointless. It just is. It's a choice. Living is a choice. Some people don't get that choice. Illness, war, accidents. Some people want to live but can't."

"So if living is a choice, why can't death be a choice too?"

"It can be. If your life is so miserable that there's no scope for improvement, you should be allowed to die."

"If you need someone else to approve your death, it's not really a choice, is it? A board to decide whether you should be allowed to die?"

"I know. It's a pretty grey area. It should not be like that. But imagine if someone wants to die and then mid way they realise they made a mistake. Like Marilyn Monroe. I once saw a documentary where they said she panicked and tried calling people but couldn't succeed. They found her organs were blue when they did her autopsy."

"But gentlemen prefer blondes."

"That is an absolutely ridiculous and insensitive joke.".

"Sorry. But you know my sense of humour. It's dark and inappropriate."

"And snorty."

"I don't snort."

"Yes, you do. Like a horse."

"Okay fine, I do."

"Why these questions about dying today?"

"There's this song I like, 'Where's my love?'. Today, for the first time I saw its video. And it's exactly how I pictured my death fantasy to be."

"You have a death fantasy?"

"Yeah. I have different types of fantasies. I suppose I have spent 30% of my life day dreaming."

"So basically you have an idea of a perfect death?"

"Kind of. So mine used to be like this video. Many years ago. Walking into a lake. Naked. Then over the years, my perfectionist nature found flaws in it. The insects, the cold, the choking, the puncturing of your lungs. So I abandoned it like most other fantasies."

"Yeah that sounds like a gruesome death. Drowning is one of the most painful ones. A police officer once told me that he hates looking at cases of drowning. He said even the victim's own loved ones wouldn't want to look at the body."

"Yikes."

"Anyway. Jumping off a cliff is equally horrific. Imagine, mid way changing your mind?"

"I feel the best way to die is in your sleep."

"I don't agree. No good byes, nothing? Like hello, at least give me a heads up?"

"True. There is no best way to die. Only the best time."

"And when is the best time?"

"Who knows? God?"

"We are back to being fatalistic aren't we?"

"Yup. Like a loop."

"In any case, that's what life is. A loop de loop. A repetition of moments. Days and nights. Highs and lows. A series of fortunate and unfortunate events."

"So lemony"

"A bunch of bad jokes."

"I apologize. Sour is my humour."

"Ha ha."

"Ha ha."

"Sweet dreams."

"Sweet home Alabama."

"Good night."