Peace

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I'm in a funny place in life. It's as if everything that made me me has disappeared. Most days, I can not even relate to myself at all. 

I have always been a very intuitive person. I see things that people hide, I understand things that most don't. I have always prided myself on my intuition. 

Lately though, it feels as if my fires have died down. I don't dream any more. And even when I do, I struggle to remember my dreams in the morning. Like a wisp of smoke, they escape out of my mind. 

I have also detached myself from people. There was a time when I actually had to run away from people because their energies were too overwhelming or because I could read their thoughts and their truths scared me. 

None of that is happening. I walk along without being touched by anyone's thoughts. Even my own have eluded me. Sometimes I feel a strange shooting pain in my heart, as a reminder, that I am picking up on something. But I shun it away, because I don't trust anything any more. My intuition has cheated me. If I can't trust it, I really don't have anything left. 

The last time I went through something like this was traumatic and life changing. Because I was a blank canvas, I could invent whoever I wanted to be. But the repercussions of that choice went on for years and it took me a long time to unlearn the new tricks I had learnt. 

I will not do that this time. Create new me's in order to feel stronger or whole. There is a reason why I have been put in this state of stagnancy. A higher power somewhere wants me to take it easy. It is my reset button, a sort of going back to factory settings. What now gets added will only be what serves my true purpose in life. 

I have also been restless and impatient in the past. Always in a hurry to change things, always wanting to be in control. It has taken me a long time to unlearn these habits and learn to surrender. I do not get to control all the time. And now I must learn to gracefully let life take me where I am supposed to be. 

My intuition will come back. The voices in my head will return eventually. Right now, I must learn to be at peace. I must be thankful because peace is what I manifested, it is what I always wanted. And for the other things I want, they will come too. One by one. Bit by bit. 

My healing has just begun. And it will take a while for me to reach where I want to reach. The beauty in the world will be mine again to see. My eyes will sparkle again. My soul will sing again. This time, without any pain. 


Come lay next to me, 

My quiet, sweet darling. 

We will not utter words, 

You and I. We will not kiss. 

I will not hold your hand. 

I will not claim to be

Your only love. 

Just be by my side. 

Reach into my mind. 

Those corners I carved

Only for you. 

Don't ever leave again. 

And I won't ever ask you

To stay forever. 

Just lay next to me, 

To make up

For all my sleepless nights, 

When all I did, 

Was miss the words 

You never said. 

Now all I will ever miss

Is your beautiful silence. 








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