BBFF

 

"Look, I told you he's not interested in you. Why can't you just take a hint?"

"Ahh! And what makes you such an expert? "

"I'm a man! Men know what men want, okay? You women need to start using your brains for a change. What is this whining and sentimental merry-go-rounding? Ohh, he looked at me, ohh, he said I was kind... Balls! "

"Yeah, because not all men are like you. And if you think you can lavish me with sexist insults and I will sit there and listen to your advice with rapt conviction, there too you are wrong. I have more brains than you... "

"And that's why you are my friend, my dear. That's why we have been friends for so many years. Haven't I guided you all along? Remember in 2005 when you fell in love with that guy from your office and he was acting like a total dick, wasn't I the one who told you to treat him like trash? Didn't it work? "

"FYI, I never did that. And secondly, nothing worked. He got married immediately after that. "

"See, that's why you should follow my advice. "

"And what great advice is that? Sleep with people and not have emotions? That's what your stance is, isn't it? "

"Of course! I'm a man of the world! I break hearts wherever I go. "

"Ha ha ha.. Oh god, this is so funny! "

"Why are you laughing? "

"That is exactly why you've been dumped and had your heart broken each time. And now you'll try to convince me you don't have a heart. "

"I don't have a heart. "

"See, this is why I'm sick of your bullshit advice."

"So why ask me then? Ask your girl friends. Go, follow your female intuition and hit him up. See what happens then?"

"You really think he doesn't like me? "

"Not at all. Look, baby, simple thing. When a guy wants something, he goes after it. Unless he's a wimp, which honestly is no match for you. "

"Why? Am I that much of a threat? "

"No baby. You got more balls than me, than any man. And you need a man made of steel to handle you. A truly, confident, brave, I will take care of you kinda man. You've done enough. You need someone to take care of you for a change. "

"That you are right. I agree with you on that. I've done enough. So, you're saying he is attracted to me, but doesn't care for me."

"He's not even attracted to you. You don't turn him on. Don't give him a hard on. "

"Why are you being so mean? "

"Has he ever tried to touch you? Come close, put a hand on your shoulder, looked at your lips as if he wants to kiss you? A man who is turned on is a man possessed. Nothing can stop him. He is driven by his desire to have and consume the object of his attention. Grab her by the waist, smell her, taste her... "

"Errrm... I think you are talking about yourself, not him... "

"I'm talking about every man. Every man is like that. "

"I don't agree... '

" You keep disagreeing with me. Why ask me? What's so great about him anyway? Is he Adonis? Or is he powerful, rich, drop dead gorgeous? I want to know, please explain to me today. "

"Why, are you jealous? It sounds as if you are jealous... "

"I'm not jealous of wimps. Tell me, what's so great about him? Why does the thought of him drive you so crazy? "

"I don't know. I guess it's his heart. He has a good heart. "

"Yuck. Vomit vomit. I can't believe what you have become. You were such a player. "

"I was never a player. And neither were you. We've both always been heartbroken. Like literally heartbroken all the time. "

"I don't know who you are talking about. Wasn't me. "

"Oh come on.. And do tell me if you've been giving me rubbish advice on purpose all these years so that I drive everyone away? "

"Why would I do that? You did that. All on your own. Every single time. '

" You know what. I think you're getting meaner as you're growing older. I don't even think we are best friends anymore. So just fuck off. I think we should stop talking. "

"Suits me. At least I don't have to listen to you whine anymore. "

"And I really don't want to hear about which girl you have a crush on and which one is using you only for sex. "

"Please don't. This coming from someone who doesn't even have a sex life. "

"Don't hit below the belt. I'm going to block you. "

"I will block you first. "

"Do it then. "

"Later. I'm busy with work. "

"I'm busy too. Will block you later. "

"Bye."

"Bye."

(Men really are a confused lot. Honestly, I feel bad for them. They try so hard not to be what they are actually supposed to be. Inspired by a show I'm watching on Netflix called Alpha Males. And a friend)