Between Us

I took a step back and with my gaze averted downwards, decided to apologize. 

"I'm sorry. I did not mean to do that. "

I knew she was taken aback. I was clueless as to what had transpired between us. One minute, we were laughing and swaying to the reggae music at the beachside bar, and the next minute, I had grabbed her by the waist and kissed her. 

Her face was flushed. Maybe it was the evening sun and the sea air. Maybe it was because she was dancing with her long hair open. Or maybe it was the fact that this was not supposed to happen at all. 

"It's okay, Tee. It's okay, these things happen. "

She patted my shoulder as if she was handing out a consolation prize. 

I stuttered. "No, no, let me apologize. It was uncalled for. We are friends, almost like siblings. I shouldn't have done that. I violated your space. I behaved like the men we bitch about, the ones who can't even ask for consent. I'm so sorry. '

She took my hand and we sat down on the cane chairs. She was laughing now. 

"Don't be silly. If you had asked for consent, it would never have happened. And it's okay. It's not like it was a full on snog. Let's forget about it."

I put my face in my hands and covered my eyes. I was a fucking idiot. I had almost sabotaged our friendship. Though, I hardly knew her that well. We had met only thrice before, each time in a larger group. But each time, we had gravitated towards each other and shared our personal stories. Maybe I was overthinking. Or maybe, just maybe, in my heart of hearts I was a man. A very aggressive and thoughtless man. 

"Do you think I'm actually a lesbian? Maybe that's why my whole life, I've been disappointed by men, because I never actually liked them."

"Sheesh! What an overkill! I like women too. Who doesn't? Women are beautiful, their bodies are beautiful. Just because you kissed a woman doesn't make you a lesbian. Though now that you are not letting this go, I will ask you. Why did you? "

"Why did I kiss you or why am I disappointed by men? "

"Why did you kiss me? "

"Well, you were dancing to 'No woman, no cry' and then I thought I saw you sad. And I felt this tremendous urge inside me to protect you. I saw you like a candle melting, all warm and gooey and soft. No puns intended. When I saw your eyes were moist and your lips quivering, I couldn't help myself. I could have just held you, but I didn't know if that was enough. I felt you needed more from me in that moment. "

"Hmm. Thank you for being honest. So, it's not like you want to sleep with me? '

"No. I don't. I mean I find you very attractive. But I don't. Why, do you? "

"No, I don't. I've never been with another woman. I wouldn't even know what to do. "

"Neither have I. But I do think you are an amazing woman. I've never met anyone like you. And I've never wanted to kiss anyone so badly that I didn't think about it for even a second. Except that one time in the bus. "

"Who? Was she pretty? "

"She had hazel eyes. I'm a sucker for hazel eyes. '

" Did you do anything? "

"No. I just stared at her. Kept staring at her. When I am attracted to someone, I stare. "

"What about your ex? "

"What about him? "

"Who approached who that time? It was in Germany right? "

"I did. I approached him. He was way too shy. Though later in the relationship, I realised he was actually very dominating. The sex was always initiated by him. See, this is the thing in relationships. One person takes charge of the relationship, and the other one in bed. "

"Where do you fit in? "

"I thought I was not the kinds to make such an impulsive move on anyone. But you just proved me wrong. "

"I've always been the opposite. I never take charge of anything. That's why I've always liked outgoing and extroverted men. "

"Promise me, you'll forget about this. And not tell a soul."

"Pinky promise. Between us, babe. "

She took my little finger in hers and I could feel the warmth of her veins as the blood pulsated through them. Her gold ring touched the top of my little finger. It felt cool compared to our hands. 

A soft breeze blew in from the sea as the sun began its descent and the lights across the pier came on. Her face looked ethereal in the fading light, that time of the day guaranteed to bring out the best photographs. 

I untangled my fingers from hers and fished out my phone. She looked far away at the horizon, her hair flying in the wind, looking like seaweed underwater. She was aware I was looking at her. 

"May I?", I asked this time. 

" You may. "

I dragged my finger across her forehead to move the strands away from her eyes. Then I clicked her photographs, trying to capture what I could not earlier. 

The music changed to drums beating in unison like a storm passing through a desert. I closed my eyes and waited for the storm to pass.