Que Sera Sera

Come here, don't be scared. I won't hurt you. I know you don't really trust grown ups, but I'm not like them. I'm just you many, many years from now. Yes, I know I'm fat, and I have long hair, but look at my eyes. They are the same as yours. Please come closer, can I hug you? 

Okay, you don't want to. I get it, I can respect that. I just came here today to tell you that I'm very proud of you. You are perfect just as you are. Yes, I know other kids laugh at you. It's okay. They just don't understand you. And that group of girls who just told you that you are not allowed in their group, don't bother about that. You wouldn't fit there anyway. Also, that girl who spat water on your face. She's not really changed that much even now. She's on my Facebook friends and she lives in the US and still looks and seems perfect. But I don't think she's really matured. What's Facebook? Never mind. 

Also, don't worry about what the boys say. Most of them are jerks and when you grow up, you'll learn not to ask for their validation. In fact, always do the opposite of what they want you to do. Don't let them control the way you think or act. Because they want you to be simple and comprehensible, which you never will be. They will always find you a bit too much, yes, even when they are in love with you. But you don't have to make yourself less so that they feel bigger around you. 

I see you doing your own thing, walking alone, playing alone, running behind frogs and cats and trying to reach that sparrow's nest. Keep doing that because that is your true authentic nature. But why do you never ask for help? It's okay to feel sad and ask for love. There are people who love you so much. Your parents do, they really do love you. Even if they are never home and at work all the time. And so does your sister. I know she's a pain and hits you a lot. Hit her back, don't run away. She's just going through her own issues. She doesn't understand she's projecting her anger onto you. But she does love you, in her own strange, warped way. 

It's also okay to admit that you are weak. This trying to scare people off by showing off your weirdness is not going to help you grow. I know you don't understand what is happening to you, what is being done to your body, you don't understand. You know it is wrong and painful, but you also feel ashamed. You think it is your fault, don't you? It's not. You need to stand up for yourself and stop it. Listen to your gut. When something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Over the years, after making a lot of mistakes, you will finally learn to listen to it. 

Come here please, I just want to hug you once. You're so tiny and frail. But you have these sparkling eyes, the same I have seen in my own children. Full of curiosity and mischief. Thanks to you, I understand them better. Thanks to you, I celebrate their uniqueness. Thank you for not trying to fit into a mould. 

What will you become when you grow up, you ask? Let that remain a mystery. You will become wiser and finally learn to embrace the woman in you. You will stop trying to be a boy just because you think right now they are stronger. You will be a powerful woman and you won't be ashamed of all those emotions that come with its power. 

I love you so much. Stop running away all the time just because you get scared. Stand tall and open your mouth. Your words are your superpower. Someday you will learn that. And then you will never hold yourself back again. 

Little alpu, momma's maggi, dada's phuljari. You are always loved by me. Loved by God. Stay just the way you are. 

Your,

Future self

(This is an exercise to embrace your inner child)