The Art of Living

I read a quote somewhere, about wanting to create events and ideas in your life that make you want to get up each morning with something to look forward to. As if you were a child who was going for a school picnic or field trip. Remember how excited you were? You got up early then, you didn't not want to go to school then. That's how we must live our lives, enriching our souls with the things that make us happy. To live is to have something to look forward to. 

I kinda agree with this, but then I kinda don't too. If you keep wanting things to make you happy, that means you really aren't. A lot of us do that for temporary relief. Buy that expensive perfume, go on that trek, have that extra drink, quit that job, just to escape. What if we did nothing and embraced the mundane, the not-doing? 

I have finally found my joy in the stillness of being. The walks alone, the not rushing to be anywhere, the not wanting replies from people I once so desperately wanted something to say back to me. I have nothing to run from anymore, nor anything to run towards. 

If happiness could be created, would it really be happiness? Wouldn't it then just be effort? When you finally make peace with yourself, why would you want to run anywhere? If I'm here or if I'm in let's say, a cliff near the sea, it's still me. If I'm capable of being happy there, then I'm capable of being happy here too. 

So no, I don't want life to be something to look forward to. I want life to be just this, the living. I'm not looking for momentary highs anymore. I'm in this for the long run. The only effort I need to make is to enrich my soul by accepting who I am, even if it changes every day. 

If I'm sad, I will sit in my sadness and embrace it. I will not try to distract or fool myself into finding false happiness. My only mantra now is to be true to myself and hence to others. If I feel like talking to you, I will talk to you. If I don't want to talk to anyone, I won't. 

The only thing I want to create is authenticity. There are days I feel like writing and days I don't. I have to honour how I feel. I don't want to be a writer who has a fixed routine or hours to write because then I have turned it into a chore. With the rate at which I'm writing, it will take me a year to complete what I'm working on. But that's okay. I'm in no hurry. I have to follow my own feels. 

I see people around me struggling. Friends going for therapy, friends questioning their purpose, friends lonely and unsure, friends doing impulsive things. And they are all on the right path. Because the right path is only the one that leads you back to yourself.

I remember a line from my favourite movie, Breakfast at Tiffanys. When Paul finally confronts Holly and tells her, No matter where you run, you end up running into yourself. 

So run. Run all you want. Create all the events you like. But if you can't accept yourself, not even these will make life seem livable. 

Because that's what life is. Not living completely. Not living like there's no tomorrow. Not living with all your heart. 

It's just living being you. And that's enough.